Learning to smile again
EveryChild's Charlotte Davies describes how, after years of violence and abuse, families in Peru are learning to change their behaviour for the better.
Before visiting Peru, I had read some of the shocking statistics surrounding the problems which EveryChild is working to improve. In South America, 1 out of 3 children have to face violence every single day. Around 85,000 children will die this year because of domestic violence. Those who survive the beatings will be scarred for the rest of their lives. Victims of violence and abuse are more likely to struggle in school, become involved in criminal behaviour and, later in life, are more likely to repeat the cycle of domestic violence themselves.
The facts clearly show that growing up with violence in the home has devastating results for children. But even staggering statistics can’t prepare you for actually meeting the children in person and listening to their stories.
During my trip, I travelled up to the highlands to see one of our rural projects in Huancayo. There I met a little girl, Clara, whose mother, uncles and sisters had in the past beaten and abused her. Her attendance at school had dropped and she ran away several times. I asked her why she had tried to run away. She said, ‘No one in my house cared about me. I wanted to find someone who would listen and look after me. I wanted to be somewhere where they didn’t hit me’.
It was heart-breaking to hear Clara’s story, and to know it is one of hundreds like it in the community. But I could also see what a difference being enrolled on EveryChild’s programme was making to her and her family. Since her mother, Dolores, started attending our parenting classes she has had a major change of attitude towards her children. At the workshops, Dolores was given the chance to talk about the experiences she had as a child and see how they have shaped the parenting of her own children. Growing up with violent parents meant that Dolores never learnt how to care and protect her children. But thanks to the classes, and support from project workers, she is a much calmer person and has more confidence in looking after her children.
In a community I visited in Andahualyas, I met another mother who was attending EveryChild’s parenting classes. Lina, a mother of three, said, ‘Before I started going to the EveryChild parenting classes I knew nothing about how to treat my children. We never knew peace in this house’.
Lina is now a ‘Defender Promoter’ in her village. This is a pivotal role as she identifies cases where children are, or risk, being abused. ‘Defender Promoters’ also work with other parents in the community, teaching them not to use violence against their children. In extreme circumstances, they will refer a case to the law courts.
She says she no longer beats her children with pieces of wood or with a belt. ‘Since we started talking through our difficulties, we have seen much better behaviour in our children. Things are always difficult here. We struggle. But since we broke the chain of violence in our family things have been so much better for us. I am now a strong and protective mother. This is something I never had growing up.’
‘Before EveryChild started working here, we had very low self-esteem and were not aware of the damage we were doing to our children. Children who were suffering had no one to talk to, but that has all changed. EveryChild has set up a forum for us to resolve our problems.’
The names have been changed in order to protect their identity.